Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Conversations (of the) Heart

Sometimes when Valentine's Day rolls around, it's easy to get a little sad when you don't have a special someone in your life. Don't get me wrong, I'm okay with being on my own right now.... it's definitely where I need to be at this moment. Although I must admit, I'm a hopeless romantic and very much enjoy having someone by my side to share life's little moments with. But from now on... it has to be the right person.

It seems that in my life, I had a habit of choosing and staying with the wrong people for the wrong reasons. And though there are many reasons... there's one that stands out most and I thought I would share it with you. Just in case you might need it one day. Don't worry, it's not scary, it's actually very empowering. So here goes...

We cannot be for someone else, what we cannot be for ourselves.

So what does that mean? It means that if we look for someone else to be the source of something we're lacking (or vice-versa), then it's not really coming from within, it's coming from that other person. Let's say I had low self-esteem, and I started dating someone with low self-esteem. We have this in common, so we understand each other, and can relate to each other. Together we can "conquer the world!" But wait. We still both have low self-esteem. We can't teach each other to have high self-esteem (although it feels like we do because we're adored by this other person). And so when one person leaves, that false sense of self-esteem goes right along with it. Funny thing is, it was never really there. But it sure does feel like you lost it. And it goes both ways. They feel like they lost it too.

I've found that relying on others — or having others rely on me for something they're lacking — may work in the short run, but doesn't really end up well in the long run. In good news, it's been an eye-opener for me and has given me inspiration to find these strengths within myself, so that I can bring them to my next relationship. The great news is, that I have not given up on Love. Nor will I ever. There's plenty of that to go around, and loving myself is the first step.

Have a happy, heartfelt Valentine's Day everyone!

Much love,
Michelle xoxo

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michelle renee bernard